Grief Recovery Guidance Center logo

John James, founder of The Grief Recovery Institute

John W. James

Founder of The Grief Recovery Institute®
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve

Ask a Question »
Russell Friedman, Executive Director of The Grief Recovery Institute

Russell Friedman

Executive Director
Co-Author of The Grief Recovery
Handbook & When Children Grieve

Ask John & Russell

If you stay focused on this one thing—no matter how big it is to you—you rob yourself of the richness and complexity of the whole relationship over three decades. (Published 11/6/2012)


I lost my partner of 31 years six months ago. She died from cervical cancer caused from HPV.

She was unfaithful to me nineteen years ago. She had an affair with a co-worker. She told me that she never slept with him, but I know for a fact she did. She did it when she went out with her best friend.

Well the guy she was with wrote a poem on her obituary. Since he did that my life has fallen apart. I contacted him to try and get the truth, but he lies to me. Her best friend knows also but she says she can’t remember, and that is a lie also. I have always been the type of guy that needs to know the truth. I stuffed all this down deep inside myself 19 years ago. When he posted on her obituary it brought up all these bad memories and bad feeling.

I feel like I can't cope with all of this. My partner would have told me the truth if I would have asked her, but she was too sick to ask. I feel like I need them to tell me the truth as I don't want my partner to have gone to her grave with this secret, even though I know it to be fact. Any help you may give me might help

« Prev Question Next Question »       Ask a Question » View Q&A Archive »

Ask John & Russell Archives

Find Local Support

If you or someone important to you wants help with grief: Look for a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist℠ in your community. The Grief Recovery Institute ® trains and mentors Certified Grief Recovery Specialists℠ throughout the United States & Canada.

See Russell and John's blog at Psychology Today

Workshops & Training Schedule

The Grief Recovery Institute ® offers Certification Training programs for those who wish to help grievers.

  • November 2014
    Malmoe, Sweden - Nov 3-7, 2014
    San Francisco, CA - Nov 7-10, 2014
    Denver, CO - Nov 7-10, 2014
    Sydney, Australia - Nov 8-11, 2014
    Des Moines, IA - Nov 14-17, 2014
    Nashville, TN - Nov 14-17, 2014
    Stockholm, Sweden - Nov 17-21, 2014
    Los Angeles, CA - Nov 21-24, 2014
    Stockholm, Sweden - Nov 24-28, 2014
    Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, England -
    Nov 28-Dec 1, 2014
    Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico -
    Nov 28-Dec 1. 2014
  • December 2014
    Seattle, WA - Dec 5-8, 2014
    Dallas, TX - Dec 5-8, 2014
    Toronto, ON, Canada - Dec 5-8, 2014
    Jacksonville, FL - Dec 5-8, 2014
    Princeton, NJ - Dec 5-8, 2014

View All Dates »